worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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