He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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