booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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