I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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