and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
