Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
