i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
