4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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