I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
