If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
