i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
