just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
