Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
