i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
