butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
