She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
