he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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