she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
