If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
