im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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