dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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