He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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