he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Shame - the story of my life.
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