I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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