Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
