some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i dont even know how to be here
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
