I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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