I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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