its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
