IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
