You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The Olympian is in my bed
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
