Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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