I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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