the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
