Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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