I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
