I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
