420 ftw
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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