I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You ate ashes out of my bong
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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