Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
