She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I seem to have left my pride at pride
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
