my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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