he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
