i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
