Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
