Sponge bath it is.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
