yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
