I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
