I just saw a hot homeless man
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
