Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
