Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
