wanna go halves on a baby?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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