Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
