ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
